Drawing the Line
One of the reasons my marriage failed, was the inability of S to stop demanding ever more, and my comparable inability to stop acquiescing to her ever greater demands. Or to put it more simply, I wasn't very good at saying "No".
Essentially I bent until I broke, and at that point, the marriage was off. Obviously things were a little more detailed than this, but for now all you need to know is that S still lives with the quaint expectation that her wants and her needs will still be serviced by myself.
I spent this weekend with my daughter, who is usually returned to her mother at 6PM on Sundays, but at pickup I was ambushed (a favourite technique of S) with a request to defer drop off until 7PM as S would be out of the city at 6PM. I was OK with this, obviously I enjoy spending time with my daughter, so I said OK, but did point out that I did have plans to be somewhere at 8PM this evening (yes it is true dear reader, I do have a life!), and so it would have to be 7PM latest.
I made a point of saying this, as S has a tendency to mistake inches for miles, and giving me the royal-run-around, to make her life easier in the most minor of ways, is perfectly OK in her book.
Not entirely without precedent around 6:30PM I received the usual flustered phone call requesting that the drop off be deferred until 8PM. Having devoted myself to much exploration for a strategy for this kind of eventuality, my answer was clear. I responded with "No, it can't be done, I have somewhere else to be at eight".
Those who know S or someone with similar traits, would be able to follow the sophistry that followed as the tantrum played itself out. Suffice to say, she kicked off big style. You will note, that I am being asked for a favour and upon declining to perform that favour, I am being harangued and being made into the bad guy! This is not unusual.
However, the end result was that my step-son's father (the ex before me) dropped by to pick up A at 7PM on the dot. So all is well that ends well. Side note: I guess he never quite made it to saying "no" to her.
It would appear that my strategy (and more importantly self belief) has come though. I'm hoping that S understands what has happened, and will not be so shocked when she gets the next "No". Its not likely, but none the less fingers crossed.
I feel good about standing up for myself. I have said no once before, but that is another story that I shall keep for a slow day.
Essentially I bent until I broke, and at that point, the marriage was off. Obviously things were a little more detailed than this, but for now all you need to know is that S still lives with the quaint expectation that her wants and her needs will still be serviced by myself.
I spent this weekend with my daughter, who is usually returned to her mother at 6PM on Sundays, but at pickup I was ambushed (a favourite technique of S) with a request to defer drop off until 7PM as S would be out of the city at 6PM. I was OK with this, obviously I enjoy spending time with my daughter, so I said OK, but did point out that I did have plans to be somewhere at 8PM this evening (yes it is true dear reader, I do have a life!), and so it would have to be 7PM latest.
I made a point of saying this, as S has a tendency to mistake inches for miles, and giving me the royal-run-around, to make her life easier in the most minor of ways, is perfectly OK in her book.
Not entirely without precedent around 6:30PM I received the usual flustered phone call requesting that the drop off be deferred until 8PM. Having devoted myself to much exploration for a strategy for this kind of eventuality, my answer was clear. I responded with "No, it can't be done, I have somewhere else to be at eight".
Those who know S or someone with similar traits, would be able to follow the sophistry that followed as the tantrum played itself out. Suffice to say, she kicked off big style. You will note, that I am being asked for a favour and upon declining to perform that favour, I am being harangued and being made into the bad guy! This is not unusual.
However, the end result was that my step-son's father (the ex before me) dropped by to pick up A at 7PM on the dot. So all is well that ends well. Side note: I guess he never quite made it to saying "no" to her.
It would appear that my strategy (and more importantly self belief) has come though. I'm hoping that S understands what has happened, and will not be so shocked when she gets the next "No". Its not likely, but none the less fingers crossed.
I feel good about standing up for myself. I have said no once before, but that is another story that I shall keep for a slow day.
posted by C at 7:05 pm
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