Whinging

Today I'll discuss the broader distinctions between a man and woman getting things off their chests.

Let us imagine for the moment, you have returned home from a terrible day at work, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. From the commute into work right through to the commute home from work.

Obviously when this has happened, being human and thus being gregarious creatures, we feel the need to offload some of our angst onto those we spend our time with. If nothing else, they'll understand why we are going to be no fun or a while (or maybe for the whole evening if you are that way inclined).

Now from a male perspective, it is perfectly acceptable, to provide prompts and cues for strategies in future that will alleviate the problems encountered during this day. One caveat, this must be done carefully with plenty of care taken not to upset the target of your well intentioned advice. Oh and actually there is a second caveat, this never applies to directions when driving, especially when the suggestion is to stop and ask for directions.

So for example Jack comes home having had a terrible day at the office, his co-worker Marlon is causing him extra work though ineptitude.

His wife Jill, unless Jack is too angry to even speak, should be entirely able to suggest possible ways of dealing with Marlon. All the time though, she must be aware that Jack is upset and she must make every effort to not upset him further by stepping into the comfort zone that Jack has regarding what is advice and what is being told what to do.

Essentially, Jack ideally wants to stop being poisoned by his day, and will be looking for tactics to use in this regard.

Should the roles be reversed, Jack is at home when Jill rolls in from the office and Marion has been causing Jill hell, then Jack has only one option. He must sit and empathise, he must say, "Yes, I can see how that would upset you" and "No, she never did that did she? That's outrageous! How could she be so insensitive" and so on. Should Jack make the mistake of suggesting a possible solution to the problem he is in for a whirlwind of pain. You see the thing is Jack is trying to help with future strategies, but Jill doesn't want that, she just wants to offload the crap of her day. She will come up with her own strategies, and if she can't she'll ask directly.

All that Jill needs is the opportunity to bleed the poison of her day out of her system, not correct the poisoning process.

In conclusion:

• When comforting a man: Gentle advice is acceptable as is empathy.
• When comforting a woman: Empathy is the only option.

Funny old world isn't it.