Counting

An introduction to job counting.

OK, so here is the deal, when you are in a couple, the counting of jobs does not work quite the same way as counting physical objects.

Men and women each have a mechanism of their own. For men each job is allocated a weight and that weighting is added to the total. For women each job is counted as one, which are then totaled.

Obviously this causes some disparity when it comes to determination of who is pulling their weight and who isn't.

Let's do some simple arithmetic, first of all lets see what our hypothetical couple get up to. We have a traditional family unit, Bob goes to work and Bridget keep house, with a daughter Wendy who is a primary school. (A rarity these days I know!)

Bob's day:
Get up and breakfast, Go to work for 8 hours, come home, have dinner, drop daughter Wendy off at ballet class, collect Wendy, glass of wine in front of the telly and off to his pit for the night.

Bridgit's day:
Get up and make breakfast for the family, walk Wendy to school, hoover the house, clean the windows, take out the rubbish, do the laundry, do the ironing, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom, pick up Wendy from school, make dinner for the family, glass of wine in front of the box and off to bed.

Now lets look at Bob's arithmetic of both days:
Bob: Work = 30, Wendy's ballet drop = 2, Wendy's ballet collect = 2; Total = 34.
Bridgit: Breakfast = 2, Wendy to school = 2, Hoover = 3, Windows = 2, Rubbish = 1, Laundry = 2, Ironing = 4 (Bob hates ironing!), Kitchen = 3, Bathroom = 3, Wendy from school = 2, Dinner = 5; Total = 30.

So in Bob's mind, both he and Bridgit have had full and productive days, comparatively equal in fact, although he is inclined to think his day was a little harder.

Next lets look at Bridget's arithmetic of both days:
Bob: Work = 1, Wendy's ballet drop = 1, Wendy's ballet collect = 1; Total = 3.
Bridgit: Breakfast = 1, Wendy to school = 1, Hoover = 1, Windows = 1, Rubbish = 1, Laundry = 1, Ironing = 1, Kitchen = 1, Bathroom = 1, Wendy from school = 1, Dinner = 1; Total = 11.

In Bridgit's mind, Bob has gone to work (1) and left her to do loads of work (10), she has clearly had the more productive day and is pulling her weight much harder than Bob.

Here we see the crux of the disparity. No matter what Bob does, because a large part of his life is taken up with going to work, and that item on the list gets only a single point from Bridgit, he is doomed to a negative weighting with regard to the balance of contribution.

There are three ways that Bob can tackle this problem:

1. Stop work.
2. Try to modify Bridgit's method of evaluation.
3. Explain work each day in excruciating detail.

Should Bob stop work, the money will stop flowing in and the couple will shortly become destitute, although Bridgit was prepared to accept that Bob's job was important to supplying the families monetary needs, with hindsight she sees how valuable this activity is and that this particular activity lies outside the scope of her evaluation mechanism. Of course I am being facetious here, I would never suggest that a man makes his family destitute to prove a point.

Bob attempting to change Bridgit's behaviour in this matter is bound to fail. I am quite certain that such behaviours are to a large extent "wired in", this is just the way that women think. Although a sustained careful discussion will eventually get Bridgit to accept Bob's point of view, the likelihood is that her behaviour over time will revert and the same disparity will recur. So even a short term win will eventually become a long term loss.

The final option then is the only one I have found, in personal experience, to work. Bob must explain in great detail what he does each day to Bridgit, so that she is forced to count each item on the list in her subconscious, by doing this he earns the 30 points from Bridgit that he feels he deserves for his contribution.

As an example, let us say that Bob spends the whole of Sunday in the garden doing odd jobs, he must never say "I spent the day in the garden doing odd jobs", what he must say is "I spent the day in the garden, I mowed the lawn, raked the lawn, aerated the lawn, weeded the borders, cut back the roses, tied the roses, painted the fence, trimmed the hedges at the front of the house and trimmed the hedges at the back of the house". By doing this he has earned not one point but ten. Should he be a real adept I'm sure he could mention much more minor jobs he did out in the garden, but he must be careful to not say too much, otherwise he is "always going on about the stuff he does, and it's not like it is anything special", thus getting himself a 200 point demerit for being a pain in the arse.

Aren't relationships fun!